The World's Greatest Criminal Mind
by StudyManiac
Summary: A collection of pre-movie oneshots with a songs you'll never guess. The rating is just because I'm way too cautious.
1. Chapter 1

**The World's Greatest Criminal Mind**

Summary: A pre-movie oneshot with a song you'll never guess

This is what happens when I come home for the holidays and watch too many disney movies. =P

Disclaimer: Dreamworks owns Megamind, and Disney owns the song. I'm just the person who put them togeather for kicks and giggles. I did/will not receive any form of payment for this.

PS. There are also a few details thrown in from the official pre-movie comic book. I don't own those either, but check it out if you haven't seen it already. (just type in Megamind into google)

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_My friends, we are about to embark on the most_

_odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme_

_of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes,_

_a crime that will live in infamy! _

The screwdriver handle slid underneath his finger tips, refusing to tighten the desired object anymore. Yes, that'll do. He put the tool down. It was perfect, another piece of the plot was ready.

Megamind pushed off from his worktable, and the chair glided across the floor. His outstretched hand stopped him from colliding with the unit. It was one of the many control stations in the room. The main panel was open, and its intricate interworkings laced the interior in a strangely elegant design. It was a perfect mix of science and creativity, a work of art really. Better than any he had ever attempted to steal.

_From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper_

_The head that made headlines in every newspaper_

_And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job_

_That cunning display that made London a sob _

It had taken months to assemble all of the parts. Mostly requiring crafty sub-plots and stealthy robberies to make sure that a certain muscle bound white tasseled do-gooder didn't notice. Not really Megamind's style, but hey when the occasion calls for it... That also meant that this particular project needed a longer time table than his normal schemes. For a while it was downgraded to a mere 'side project', but not anymore. It was ready.

_Now comes the real tour de force_

_Tricky and wicked, of course_

_My earlier crimes were fine for their times_

_But now that I'm at it again_

_An even grimmer plot has been simmering_

_In my great criminal brain _

The satellite was in orbit. The last diagnostic showed that all systems were a go. There were a few last minute adjustments that would need to be made, the observatory backdrop to be built, but Minion would take care of that. Assuming that his current scheme did not go as planed of course.

_Even meaner? You mean it?_

_Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?_

_You're the best of the worst around_

_Oh, Ratigan_

_Oh, Ratigan_

_The rest fall behind_

_To Ratigan_

_To Ratigan_

_The world's greatest criminal mind _

He checked his watch. Fifteen minutes till show time, Minion would have already kidnapped Miss Ritchi by now. He needed to get back to the current lair. Leaving the building he looked up at the fake observatory, a skeleton that was only half built. Yet the framework was in place.

_Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been_

_champagne and caviar. I've had my share of_

_adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate_

_detective, Basil of Baker Street. For years, that_

_insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans._

_I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all_

_that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even_

_Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before_

_me_!

Though he was fond of the current plan too. A trip down memory lane via matinee of his 'Greatest Hits' (oh, that was good, he'd have to remember that) to remind this city of what it's greatest villain was capable of. It was a simple, yet elegant plan, mixing the working elements of all that came before: Roxi-bots, Brain Bots, and a fully functional Atomic Energon Drill. The perfect collage of all he had come to learn.

Yet... Yet it lacked... Well it lacked something, something Megamind couldn't put his finger on it but there was something missing. He had felt it in the observatory. So what was it?

_Even louder_

_We'll shout it!_

_No one can doubt what we know you can do_

_You're more evil than even you_

_Oh, Ratigan_

_Oh, Ratigan_

_You're one of a kind_

_To Ratigan_

_To Ratigan_

_The world's greatest criminal mind _

Finally tearing himself away Megamind headed to the currently not-so-invisible car, and buckled in. He stole one last look. A villain could do that. The incomplete dome looked almost ghostly in the early morning sun.

No, not ghostly.

Sinister.

It looked sinister. Almost like...

Naw!

He shook his head. His plans were fun. They were games, a never ending chess board with an infinite number of pieces made and created for the challenge of it all.

It's not like one of his schemes would ever actually _work_.

**_Fin. _**

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Yeah... I know the last half of the song ("The World's Greatest Criminal Mind" from Disney's The Great Mouse Detective if you haven't figured it out already) doesn't fit as well as the first half. I also had to edit the song a little because it's interrupted by one of Ratigan's drunken minions calling him a rat (which means that Ratigan has to feed him to a cat... naturally) but I HAD to do it! The beginning is just SOOO Megamind!

Hope You Enjoyed It Anyway! =]

Reviews for nice author please!


	2. Chapter 2

**Heaven's Light**

AN: When I was looking up the lyrics for the first chapter I came across more Disney lyrics and couldn't help myself. Hope you enjoy. =]

Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind or the song. Those rights go to Dreamworks and Disney (more specifically these dudes) Vocals: **Quasimodo (**_**Tom Hulce**_**) **Music: **Alan Menken **Lyrics: **Stephen Schwartz. **I only put the two together for smiles and giggles.

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So many times out here  
I've watched a happy pair  
Of lovers walking in the night  
They had a kind of glow around them  
It almost looked like heaven's light

He'd dehydrate them on the spot. One moment all lovey-dovey and the next two glittery cubes on the pavement. On a particularly bad evening they wouldn't even know he was there until the blue beam shot out. Then he'd hurry past, leaving the scene as if the air itself had been contaminated.

I knew I'd never know  
That warm and loving glow  
Though I might wish with all my might  
No face as hideous as my face  
Was ever meant for heaven's light

The fourteenth of February was the worst. Megamind tried to hide it with extra flair and bravado, but he would still feel a stab of jealously at every horrible reminder. The memory of Sara Swarts ripping up the carefully crafted paper hearts he had made, and tossing the pieces in his face in the _chool_ yard still taunted him. He thought it was silly, and _stoopid_. For Pete's sake it was over twenty years ago! Yet his sneer would be a little more sinister on that day, and his evil laugh mixed with a twinge of bitterness. People always ran from him, but on that particular day they would practically fly.

But suddenly an angel has smiled at me  
And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright

She was never afraid of him. Even the first time, after the bag was pulled off she looked like she was ready to slug somebody rather than flee. For such beautiful blue eyes they held such a scorching glare.

It was a challenge, attempting to replace that fire with fear. He never really succeed at it. Well, maybe for a moment, for an instant it would be there only to spark the blaze a breath later when they'd reveal themselves. It was a challenge that he had eagerly leapt to for years. People thought Metro Man was his one and _only_ rival.

People were wrong.

I dare to dream that she  
Might even care for me  
And as I ring these bells tonight  
My cold dark tower seems so bright  
I swear it must be heaven's light

Bernard was only meant to be a convenient disguise. One can't be intimidating in pajamas and vampire bat slippers after all. It would destroy years of work! He had a reputation of uphold!

The charade went well. It served its purpose, but it had also done more than that. Their little talk had given him inspiration, such wonderful and glorious inspiration! Build a new super hero, WHY hadn't he thought of it before! With this in mind he had been perfectly content to retire the persona and return to the status quo.

But she had different plans.

As always she brought out the challenge. She forced his hand before he was ready, and out of necessity he brought out the hologram to distract her, to get her out of the way, and to led her down the wrong path. Yet in musty libraries full of facts he already knew she did something to him. Something that made him forget why he enjoyed seeing other run from him. Made him forget why liked the sound of screaming….

And why he had hated seeing couples holding hands.

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As I wrote before I own nothing, and I hope you enjoyed!

Reviews for nice author would be appreciated! =D


	3. Chapter 3

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**Oo-de-lally [Robin Hood]**

AN: What can I say? I saw another Disney song that fit in with Megamind and couldn't help myself. It's the last of my ideas and if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is merely the product of Christmas candy induced joy and the urge to leap into the fandom.

PS: It's pre-movie!

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_Robin Hood and Little John_

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_Walkin' through the forest_

_Laughin' back and forth_

_At what the other'ne has to say_

_Reminiscin', This-'n'-thattin'_

_Havin' such a good time_

_Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally_

_Golly, what a day _

"Did you see the look on his FACE!" Megamind laughed trying and failing to imitate the expression, but Minion laughed anyway. The rooftop they were sitting on wasn't the best of places to hang out on, especially with the sack full of just stolen art, jewelry, wallets, and one left shoe laying on the ground next to them. But they didn't really care at the moment.

It had been hot in vault. Megamind's specially made blowtorch, a device that could cut through innumerable layers of steel and concrete also let off a lot of heat. The ventilation systems hadn't worked as well as they had wanted them to, and disabling the fire extinguishers before they ruined the goods had been an unexpected pain in the neck. Even Minion's gorilla/robot body had started to overheat shortly into the heist.

On top of that, the security guard took his job a _little too seriously_. After appearing to surrender like the other patrons the man had taken to the idea of slipping into the shadowsand then trying to tackle Megamind like some wannabe ninja.

That is until he was dehydrated mid-'_hiyaaa!'._

Practically gave Minion a heart attack.

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_Never ever thinkin' there was danger in the water_

_Never dreamin' that a schemin' sheriff and his posse_

_Was a-watchin' them an' gatherin' around_

Special Agent Fouler of the FBI finished barking orders into his shoulder radio. Metro Man had picked one heck of a week to take a trip to Maui. Since his break out two days ago Megamind had already robbed three banks. Simultaneously held seven hotels hostage. No one was hurt of course but to law enforcement that wasn't the point!Every jewelry store in the tri-state area was missing some priceless item. All of the fountains in the park were mysteriously squirting Jell-O, and the city busing system was not only in a state of absolute chaos but Megamind had somehow replaced all of the car horns. Now they played a shortened version of "Back in Black" instead of the standard honk, and no one could figure out how on earth to turn it off.

Yet on that rooftop he was a sitting duck. They could do this; they could take the blue booger down. Metro Man could kiss his butt... After the Mayor congratulated him as his squad.

He took a deep breath. He flicked the switch on the radio. "All Teams:" He growled, "Go. Go! GO!"

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_Robin Hood and Little John_

_Runnin' through the forest_

_Jumpin' fences, dodgin' trees_

_An' tryin' to get away_

_Contemplatin' nothin'_

_But escape an' fin'lly makin' it_

_Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally_

_Golly, what a day _

Where they got the energy to run no one ever knew, but it was the footage that made "America's Most Dangerous Police Chases" a number one hit later on that evening.

"Oh! There was a barricade there? Why didn't I see it?" Megamind shouted at the Monitor. Brain Bots scurried about as their "Daddy's" animated movements stirred them from the huddle they'd made around the pair. A few growls escaped the ones that were really knocked around, but settled down quickly. They really wanted to watch too.

"I dehydrated it Sir." Minion answered stroking the bot in his lap. Megamind was sitting in his high-backed black chair, and Minion on the floor. Yet the fish's gaze was level to Megamind's shoulder.

"Oh… Well, thank you Minion,"

"No problem sir!" Minion beamed.

"But did you have to leave the loot like that?" Megamind finished pouting a little. No scratch that, he _**glowered**_. Masters of all Villiany don't _'pout'_.

Minion just sighed. It had been a close call. Neither of them really minded if Megamind was arrested and sent to prison. He'd been there before, and he'd broken out before. What had made him drop the 'loot' was the sight of a rookie agent leveling a nine millimeter barrel straight at his master's over-sized blue head. Now that was terrifying!

Yet, despite this, the rest of the chase had been admittedly fun. For such a lanky guy Megamind could be a fast runner, and not too bad at avoiding obstacles like guard rails or pedestrians. When they reached the car the helicopters had arrived, and there is nothing quite like blaring Guns and Roses while flooring the accelerator and racing through the city with a pure white spotlight giving everything around you an almost celestial glow.

They had laughed like maniacs all the way home, even after they turned the car invisible as snuck away from the pack like ghosts in the night.

In the glow of the monitors Megamind and Minion chuckled. Both pairs of eyes glued to the program, and both of them reliving the memory.

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_Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally_

_Golly, what a day_

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Wow... This is the first time in this series of one-shots that the publishing program hasn't been a pain in the neck! W00T!

Anyway, as ever, I hope you enjoyed and remember reviews are nice. Really Nice!

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